Your dad touched me again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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