Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
