just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i came on her dog
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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