forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
