Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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