walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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