he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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