my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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