So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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