im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
