what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
