there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
