my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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