is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
