whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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