i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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