I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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