A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
