You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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