official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
