People with herpes should wear stickers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize