no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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