i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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