Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
