If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
