my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
