Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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