I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
