She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
