It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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