me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
