their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
FUCK WHALES
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
