He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
