Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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