So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
