Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
