He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
