Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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