Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
