woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
