yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
