she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
