i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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