I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he fucked my hip out of place.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
