question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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