I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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