when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
