omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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