just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
