just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
