We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
