this just has baby written all over it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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