You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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