p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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