i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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