If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
