Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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