Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
