Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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