I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
