I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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