you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
