508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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