so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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