i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard