my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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