I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
