i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.