tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.