So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.