You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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