So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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