Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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