I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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